'Twas the night before college, when all through the house,
I heard the crickets chirping, and maybe a field mouse
My clothes were all packed in the car with care
In hopes that I'd send most to Salvation Army, not wear
I and my cat nestled all snug in my bed
With visions of planned landscapes and consumerism in my head
For I with my hopes for adventure and only a campus map
Did not want to settle for this semester-long nap
When inside my brain there arose such a clatter
I had to ask myself, "What's a matter?"
When all of a sudden it came like flash
I want passion in my life, not just cash!
What am I doing? Living a lie?
Going to college to be so bored, I'd cry?
When what to my wondering eyes should appear
The ghost of past, present, and future fiscal year!
It was Keynes, Friedman, and the Grim Reaper, you see
They said, "Go to college because no lunch is free!"
But I say, "No! We humans can change!
We can be more cooperative and no longer estrange!
We can learn by ourselves! We don't need you!
We don't need soaring debt from your financial coup!
Now Mr. Reaper, you don't scare me!
It's the life in my years that will set me free!"
And aghast they leave with a poof
I lay back down feeling quite aloof
"Wow, I can't believe they just intruded in my room
They don't know how to treat a lady, I presume."
And then in a twinkling I heard on my door
A knock, knock along with a wild snore
The ghosts again, "Can we come in please?"
More polite this time, I let them in with ease
Dressed in suits, with a white board and stick
They pulled out a statistical analysis and pic
A bundle of green, they held in their hands
"It could all be yours if you go with the plan"
My eyes, how they twinkled, but with concern
I had a few questions before I got burned
"What is this - a bribe, a plea, a bargain?"
"No, it's just some money to do the talkin'..."
"This might work with someone else, but not me
I am not that easily drafted, you see."
"But look at this graph, you can make so much money
If only you go to college and follow the track, honey."
"The track? How dare you fool me for a hamster?!
I can make my own living without your greedy cancer!"
It spreads like a disease throughout the land
You get them while their young as if by command
But I am no fool, I will leave after a semester
Put my toes in the water, but not be an investor
So I said goodnight to the ghosts of three
Sent them away because I would not agree
They sprang to their Porsche with ballistic missile
And away they flew like the down of a thistle
But I heard them exclaim, ere they drove out of sight,
"University for all and for all no human rights!"