From Feast to Fast

        I baked some delicious chocolate chip cookies. They were so good that I ate too many. Whoops. I was a bit disgusted with myself. I'm never hungry. I just always have an appetite. I love food. This contrasts with Eliott, who only eats because he has to in order to survive.
        El and I went to the library. I walked around, looking at all the people, but then a book popped out at me. It was called "HUNGER: An Unnatural History." I picked it off the shelf and sat down. The first half of the book was about what it's like to fast for various amounts of time. I had been thinking about fasting, and this was my motivation. I decided that my last meal would be in Chinatown the next day.
        Walking back, El and I parted as he went to Dunkin to meet up with some friends. Not even two minutes passed and Akiva, a guy I met a few weeks ago, yelled my name. What a wonderful surprise. I had been thinking about him. He only lives a couple streets away, but we had never gotten each other's contact information.
        He told me he was going to pick up Chinese food and asked me to join him. What a coincidence. I couldn't believe it, but, lucky for me, it was real. So, I had a delicious night as well as some fun conversation.
        Akiva drove me home. El had bought some tabouli and pita from the nearby Mediterranean cafe. I wanted to start my fast at midnight since I already had the Chinese feast, so I tried some tabouli really quick, and El put together some ice cream and chocolate soy milk for me too. I was satiated.
        El wanted to know why I was going to fast. I planned for seven days, and he was frightened that he was watching someone become anorexic right before his eyes. I assured him that wasn't the case, but instead it was a way to test myself and see if I could have a clearer mind if the idea of food was no longer popping up all the time. I had become slightly disgusted by my gluttony and needed to set things straight.
        The next day, I tried distracting myself with my computer and also had two interviews for day cares in the area, one being Montessori. My physical body felt fine without food - probably because it was still digesting everything from the night before. After the last interview, I walked around Englewood a bit to check out the various restaurants for waitressing positions. Food was everywhere. My brain wanted the stimulus, but I wouldn't allow it.
        On day two, I headed to my gynecologist appointment. When the nurse took my blood, it was a good thing my stomach was empty because she could then also test for my carb, protein, and iron levels too. On the way back home, I stopped at my new friend, Cedrick's, apartment. He had commented on my hair as we were both walking down the sidewalk the day before. He's from Congo, so me being big into the internationals, we exchanged numbers. His original language is French, so I hope to practice around him. Interestingly enough, he lives right at the end of my street. He had a delicious lunch cooking, but I just tried to ignore the torment going on in my brain once again and filled out the application he brought me from the nursing home he works at. In the afternoon, I started feeling the physical implications of the fast. My stomach was gurgling, and when El and I went for a walk, my legs felt weak. Later on into the night, my stomach felt discomfort and I was fatigued. El's old friend, Sam, came over. He told me he did a ten day fast. He had done a lot of research beforehand, so he had eaten lots of fruits the days prior and drank juice during the fast. That inspired me to do a little more research too.
        Today was day three. My aunt had called me yesterday to tell me that she was visiting my grandfather at his nursing home in Queens. I decided that I'd make the 2 hour+ journey out there to see her, my grandmother, and gramps. I knew I needed energy to make the trip so I bought some juice. I also knew that there would be plenty of food from my family that I would have to refuse. It was true. I almost gave in. The bagel was certainly tempting. Cedrick called me after I left the nursing home and asked to hang out on Tuesday. My aunt said I should visit the Botanical Gardens at this time of year, so we decided that we will head to Brooklyn. Cedrick also invited me for some African food in Manhattan for dinner, but I had to refuse, since I wasn't letting myself eat until Thursday.
        I thought more and more about this whole fasting thing. What was I really trying to accomplish? Would not eating really make thoughts of food go away? It seems like I was just being sadistic to myself and clogging my head with desire even more. In fact, my stomach is grumbling as I type this. So, why shouldn't I enjoy the pleasures of life - one of those being food? (COMMENTS WELCOME) I'm not overweight, and I'm in good health. I suppose what I was really doing was punishing myself for eating all those cookies. I know I can go the full seven days, but I've decided that three is enough. I will enjoy myself on Tuesday. And I will enjoy myself at midnight with some dumplings. I've also decided that I'm going to start eating vegan again, not completely strict, but enough where I feel healthy and merciful toward animals again.
        It's great to live and not starve, to have so many options around, but these things can be the downfall of us if we do not keep in check what exactly we are contaminating our bodies with and especially how much. I think these three days have been rewarding. I have been able to contemplate food in a whole new way and understand how lucky I am to have food in the fridge downstairs. I guess I do feel like a quitter, since I did set the goal for seven days, but so be it.
        If anyone has experience fasting and has discovered more from it than I have, then by all means, comment below. I'm interested in the spiritual aspect of a fast. Perhaps, in the future, I will try another fast, for this reason. And perhaps, the thoughts of food wouldn't run through my mind after a longer period of time. Perhaps, I'd just get used to it.