Before the Bus

WOODSTOCK, NY - 3 days

        A mountain home is filled with books. A kind soul is in the kitchen. Pictures of Native Americans, pin-up models, and famous pacifists decorate the walls. Loki, a large black lab, is the older sister to the new pomeranian pup, Snoop. For three days, I will be the fourth inhabitant of this house.

        Dinner is a delight. My stomach fills up like a balloon. I go to the living room, lay on my mattress next to the Christmas tree, and breathe. I have started my journey, but it is time to relax.

         I read the last four chapters of Lies My Teacher Told Me. A friend told me that's enough to get to the point. I also complete the most intriguing chapters of Indian Givers during my stay.

Errands. I like that Donna and I bond like mother and child. She says she wants to adopt me.

         The mountains are covered in evergreen blankets, and the sun shines over the horizon. I am at peace. I let go. Life takes control for me.

        It's the New Year. I could reflect and make resolutions, but that would require putting my attention on something other than the now. The now is what vitalizes me.

        Dance party tonight. Bearsville Theater. City folk in their best attire and face. Meanwhile, I look a bit plain in my Moon Boots and floral shirt. Get high. Dance like I'm a superstar. The crowd moves me into the spotlight or out of the spotlight depending on my skills. I meet Kyla. We connect. Telepathy ensues. Pink, green, blue glow sticks – shake, shake, shake. I find out I'm going to survive an alien rapture.

        Say goodbye. I have family here.

NEW PALTZ, NY – 5 days

Lowell! Bright blue jacket beams those bright blue eyes. The house is filled with plants. I imagine a jungle. The parakeets add sound to the scene. My own little loft has many books, but I only have time for the first two chapters of The Fountainhead. Lowell doesn't rest. This is boot camp. The ache feels good. I needed to lose that freshman fifteen.

        Get high, get high, get high. Hike, camp, boulder, cave. First time I go underground into complete darkness. Headlamp goes back on. Light, I feel comfort.

        I decide to be a photographer. Take pictures of the scenes, trees, rocks, leaves. Make a watermark. That'll make it look professional.

        Norah is a good cook too. For being poor, I am fed like a queen.

        Bartender Bri wants to go to Oregon, maybe Alaska. Says I can visit her anytime. I love making friends.

NEW YORK CITY, NY – 10 days

        Cydney greets me at Port Authority. Dominican food tonight in Washington Heights. Practico mi español.

        Staying in Jersey. Public transport fees are a bitch. The unlimited metro pass soothes my anxiety from letting go of green pieces of paper. Still manage to spend more than intended, but every experience is worth it.

Go through the books. Find Politics of Experience. Perfect timing.

Botanical Gardens, Museum of Natural History, People's Theater, Queens Nursing Home. Visit my grandfather twice. I wonder if he has my view of death.

        I learn that I like to shovel snow. Never helped my dad with it as a little girl, but now it is relaxing, productive, exhilarating.

        No Pants Subway Ride! 'Nuff said.

Daniel Pinchbeck and Reggie Watts speak tonight. Cydney drags me along even though I wanted to crash. I thank her for it. What a wonderful atmosphere with absurd but enlivening ideas bouncing from head to head.

        I meet Eliott. Eliott – the first boy to have precognitive dreams about me. In his twenties, but a boy. We are child-like together.

        Cydney invites him over for a mini sleepover the next night. Dan is over too. Positive crowd. Bev bakes the best cupcakes. We buy a giant fairy coloring book and crayons. Eliott speaks sweet metaphors to me as he watches me color him a picture. Fire starts.

        We move to a loft in a dark room. I see Eliott's figure, but big black holes for his eyes. I look at my hands to check if I'm dreaming. He still speaks in metaphors. He holds his hand out. “Octopus.” I now see eight moving extensions. This is all a dream. I am constantly in illusion.