The Night Before College

'Twas the night before college, when all through the house,

I heard the crickets chirping, and maybe a field mouse

My clothes were all packed in the car with care

In hopes that I'd send most to Salvation Army, not wear

I and my cat nestled all snug in my bed

With visions of planned landscapes and consumerism in my head

For I with my hopes for adventure and only a campus map

Did not want to settle for this semester-long nap

When inside my brain there arose such a clatter

I had to ask myself, "What's a matter?"

When all of a sudden it came like flash

I want passion in my life, not just cash!

What am I doing? Living a lie?

Going to college to be so bored, I'd cry?

When what to my wondering eyes should appear

The ghost of past, present, and future fiscal year!

It was Keynes, Friedman, and the Grim Reaper, you see

They said, "Go to college because no lunch is free!"

But I say, "No! We humans can change!

We can be more cooperative and no longer estrange!

We can learn by ourselves! We don't need you!

We don't need soaring debt from your financial coup!

Now Mr. Reaper, you don't scare me!

It's the life in my years that will set me free!"

And aghast they leave with a poof

I lay back down feeling quite aloof

"Wow, I can't believe they just intruded in my room

They don't know how to treat a lady, I presume."

And then in a twinkling I heard on my door

A knock, knock along with a wild snore

The ghosts again, "Can we come in please?"

More polite this time, I let them in with ease

Dressed in suits, with a white board and stick

They pulled out a statistical analysis and pic

A bundle of green, they held in their hands

"It could all be yours if you go with the plan"

My eyes, how they twinkled, but with concern

I had a few questions before I got burned

"What is this - a bribe, a plea, a bargain?"

"No, it's just some money to do the talkin'..."

"This might work with someone else, but not me

I am not that easily drafted, you see."

"But look at this graph, you can make so much money

If only you go to college and follow the track, honey."

"The track? How dare you fool me for a hamster?!

I can make my own living without your greedy cancer!"

It spreads like a disease throughout the land

You get them while their young as if by command

But I am no fool, I will leave after a semester

Put my toes in the water, but not be an investor

So I said goodnight to the ghosts of three

Sent them away because I would not agree

They sprang to their Porsche with ballistic missile

And away they flew like the down of a thistle

But I heard them exclaim, ere they drove out of sight,

"University for all and for all no human rights!"